Ho Ho Horror...

Why is there Never a Decent Panic Room Nearby When you Need One?

Okay, okay, let's see. My mind is a spinning whir of mud and mash right now. Between the insane political and economic phase we are in, and the manic holiday climate, it is wine wine wine for me. I hate this time of year - I really do. The holidays freak me out. I mean, I'm limping through the year, barely making the bills, the weather turns cold, I'm drinking more, trying to stay warm, getting desperate for some reprieve. I find myself wandering through the aisles at the 99 cent store looking for anything that will substitute for comfort food, and then the goddamn Christmas music starts playing – so fucking happy, joyous, maniacal. Bells, and choirs, and BELLS. I'm staggering and lurching, knocking over the damned Tupperware and wrapping paper in a panicked frenzy trying to get the HELL OUT OF THERE!!!

Deep breaths - I feel it coming on. I should be listening to calm, soothing music on the radio, but I can't turn away from the endless babble and chatter about the politics. Herman Cain, Herman Cain, Herman Cain. Jesus, the funniest thing I've heard in weeks was Herman Cain saying he was looking forward to “getting back on message.” Jesus. Europe is collapsing. Stock market down, stock market up. Jesus Christ.

OWS Blues

I feel like I'm on the outside looking in with this OWS stuff. I support the movement, for the free exchange of ideas it has generated, if nothing else. I get the general idea – people are fed up with a government that caters to special interests at the expense of the people. I've been upset about that for shit, as long as I've been politically aware. But the OWS movement also disturbs me. It seems like something of a Rorschach test in that it can mean anything to anyone. There are those who simply want to reform the current system of representative democracy, and those who want to abolish everything and start over. I can respect both of those points of view.

And then there are the doomsayers and conspiracy theorists who have latched onto the movement. They offer no solutions, no way forward, simply a myriad of demons and bogeyman that are enslaving us all in insidious, self-defeating webs of deceit and mysticism. These folks will make your head explode. I frankly don't get their way of thinking. If they are right, if we are all pawns in the game of some unseen caste of mystics who have been controlling events since the middle ages, then what the fuck is the point? I'm sure they've got it figured out; or else some tripper hero like Neo from the fucking Matrix will sort it out... or maybe we all are inanimate, living in pods, and being kept alive for feed? Again, what's the point?

I can't let myself believe that kind of stuff. I like solutions, I am a fan of action, and recourse. I like to feel like there is a way forward, a way up, a way out.

But on a serious note, how the hell am I going to get my Christmas shopping done this year?

madbob@madbob.com

Flickering Lights

The days are getting shorter. I'm cold right now. The sun went down about an hour ago and the fire is only beginning to cut through the bite of the encroaching cold air. I'm on the verge of shivers. My wife told me years back that this time of year, starting in around October, and running through, I don't know, about now I guess – it's the time when the worlds of the dead and of the living are in the closest proximity. Of course I could go and throw on a coat. The dogs are fine – they've got their fur wrapped around them. Right now they are prancing around the room and sniffing furiously; then sucking up any morsels of edible and semi-edible objects they discover. They lick at stains. I'm sure we feed them enough. They don't look too thin. I think we all burn more energy out here than we ever used to. The simple act of walking from one end of the property to the other provides exercise like I haven't really had in many, many years – I'm thinking decades.

There's horror on the evening news: footage of violence in Syria as people rise up against the government, folks shot through, bloodied bandages over a hollowed eye, crimson flowers blooming and expanding across polyester/cotton blend fabric shirts. A piece on cancer, the kill or be killed nature of that disease; vicious crimes against children, stories of unanswered pleas for salvation; and profiles of the current crop of political candidates, grinning, manicured ghouls.

God It's a Freak Show

Makes you shudder right down to the bones.

I've got a jacket on now – dogs and I went outside for a bit. We've been talking about post-traumatic stress disorder. It's that loop phenomenon the brain can get into when you've been heavily effected by something done, heard, seen; experienced. Maybe that's trivializing it, I don't think so. Our brains; we are meant to be happy, and harmonious. When things happen that knock us out of harmony, then it sends us off into waves, or loops. Like when you swing your arms for balance. Sometimes you have to keep on swinging.

Dancing around the Apple Tree...

Then this holiday season – it's like on top of everything else they want you to maneuver yourself through an obstacle course of commitments. Battle the crowds, get the gifts together, get them out – the final sputtering, fits and spasms of the year's cycle of consumer capitalism – the chaotic, orgasmic ending – just the post-coital eruption of champagne and high-spirited inebriation of the New Year events left to go.

And then we'll do it all again. One way or the other. We move in circles, not lines. We spin and spin together through this universe (universes? multi-verses?). One big swirling mass – infinite parts and pieces – everything larger, everything smaller, forever and ever.

All we have to do is be. And the good news is, we can't not be. So congratulations! You've done it.

madbob@madbob.com