Turning the Corner

Insurgent Acne

I woke up on Sunday morning like I usually do. I stumbled out of bed and took a hot shower. I brushed my teeth and shaved my face. As I examined my face in the mirror I noticed that there was a small zit starting to form on my cheek a few inches beneath my right eye. There wasn’t much happening with it yet but it looked suspicious. I decided that it was imperative that I took action before the zit grew and caused more problems in the region.

I decided on the tried and true method of squeezing the zit between my thumbs in order to pop it and drain its accumulating juice. I clenched my teeth and maneuvered my thumbs into position and then pinched the skin surrounding the offending zit in the hopes of driving it to the surface and then annihilating it.

I ran into immediate problems though. It turned out that I had failed to adequately understand just what I was dealing with. The zit was subcutaneous – buried underneath the surface of my face – and as a result my initial efforts were totally ineffective. In fact the pressure I applied to the skin surrounding the zit seemed to cause new damage. Now an area about a half inch in diameter around the zit was irritated – angry and reddened.

I probably should have just left it alone but at this point I felt committed. No stupid zit was going to get the best of me! I thought about my next move and figured that perhaps if I put one thumb in my mouth and the other on the outside of my cheek – on the area of the zit – I could squeeze it from inside and out and therefore smoosh it and cause it to recede.

I attempted this tactic but its futility quickly became apparent. It also resulted in a great deal of pain and now tears were streaming down my face in addition to the redness and irritation. I needed a better strategy.

I decided on a surgical strike. I retrieved a needle from the sewing box and began poking at the zit. I drew a lot of blood and caused a lot more pain to myself, but the zit was still there; it seemed to be mocking me. Now I was really mad and I stabbed at it several times with the needle – opening up a series of small wounds in the area surrounding the zit. Blood streamed down my face in a series of rivulets.

Time to re-access; I stepped back rubbing my cheek and then took my hand away to look at the results. I was horrified at what I saw. The entire side of my face was now bruised and bleeding. From where the zit was centered there emanated a swatch of purple and red flesh; pin pricks surrounded it; and the worst part of it was that the zit still existed – bigger and brighter than ever.

I turned away and thought about it. Obviously the physical approach wasn’t working. I turned on the hot water and applied hot compresses to it. I soaked my face and washed it with soap, and then I applied some acne cream to it.

My wife gasped when she saw my face on Sunday morning. I mean it was really bad.

But as I write this it is Wednesday and things are looking up! My face is still bruised but the redness has subsided. The zit has emerged as a big round white-head surrounded in a little ocean of damaged flesh but I’m not willing to do any more squeezing – I’m content to let it run its course and just keep applying ointments and balms.

You know what – my face is really starting to get better! I think I’m starting to turn the corner!

RIP George Carlin

I’m getting really tired of noting the passing of important, vibrant personalities. We are in such trying times right now and we need the guidance and wisdom of the voices of people like George Carlin and Tim Russert.

George Carlin was most well-known for his famous “Seven Words you Can’t Say on the Radio” routine that landed him in the Supreme Courthouse but for my money his scathing political and social commentary was really where his brilliance shone brightest. He used comedy for precisely its most important function – to shine a light into the areas of society that otherwise would be too dark and terrifying for us to be able to focus our attention on without losing it and going completely insane.

Send your thoughts to madbob@madbob.com