Rambling Thoughts from a Semi-Old Man

Be Here Now

Back to school. Jesus. I haven't been in school for decades, and I still experience anxiety-ridden dreams involving classrooms I can't find, or tests I haven't studied for. School and I do not really get along. I got through it, but I'm glad to be done with all that. I much prefer the role of a plain old working citizen. These days some of my time is occupied by the nine to five, but otherwise I do nearly exactly what I want. Still, good luck to you. Welcome back to those of you returning, and welcome to town to the incoming students. For some of you, college will be the best six years of your life, and you probably won't remember five and a half of them. Sad, really, but that's the way it goes.

Ann Landers, I am Not

I used to give advice in these columns, for the back to school issue: for what to do, and what not do; but you know what, figure it out. I don't know any better than you do. At this point, I would probably give you obsolete information that wouldn't do you a damn bit of good anyway.

I start writing out advice and it sounds like the fucking motivational posters some of you will see when you end up sequestered inside cubicles, your souls slowly being sucked up into the gently humming fluorescent lights and air conditioning. I've been there. It's not that bad at first – you don't realize how rotten it is until the element of time makes itself clear. Time is a bastard. You probably can't really understand that right now – unless you've been diagnosed with some sort of early onset cancer, or spent time in prison. At a certain point, time feels meaningless – infinite and abstract. You'll find yourself waiting for time to pass, waiting for something interesting to happen. I can remember being bored, endlessly craving action and excitement.

That will shift on you. It will flip. Eventually, you won't be wanting time to pass, you'll be wishing time would slow down, stop, or move in reverse. But it won't. It's a horrifying realization, and one that you can't make until you can. There's nothing I can say, nothing that hasn't been said a million times before. Youth is wasted on the young. Don't waste it. Use your mind while it is sharp, your eyes while they're strong; use your body while it is still supple, and hot.

Ah shit, there's the advice I said I would not give. Oh well, who gives a shit? Not me.

madbob@madbob.com