The Resurrection of the Blog - Achilles' Chill

 I'm blogging again. My mental health is so shit right now. I dealt with Trump by drinking and the Pandemic by drinking even more and even though he's out of office Trump won't go away and the Pandemic is still raging, so the drinking hasn't really slowed. It's not good. The depression medicine I'm taking doesn't seem to be cutting the mustard, but how could it when I'm drowning myself in depressants every night? But damn I do love red wine. My Achille's chill.

Maybe, if I'm lucky, I can write some of this out of my system. Writing is creation, creating something from nothing. Putting words together, making sentences, trying to explain the whirring of the mind. Trying to reach across the chasm of nothingness and derive meaning from the void. Trying to make contact with the collective - trying to feel the oneness of the universe.

When the pandemic started I lost all ability to create. I couldn't bring myself to paint, to play music, to write. I sat, and stewed, and drank. I couldn't read a book. Long fiction was too much to try and take in. If I didn't have weekly beers with one of my closest friends I would have gone far more insane than I have, but still, as I noted, the mental health isn't good.

I believe more than anything it is the stupidity, the abject stupidity that a large enough portion of the country seems to have embraced. This weird fucking notion that science is no good and we should trust random idiots on the internet over an actual process that yields results through trial and error and a whole lot of study. People listen to Joe fucking Rogan for medical advice? What the fuck? I can't even begin to understand that. He is a television host and a podcaster, why would anyone trust his medical advice? Even Joe Rogan says not to trust his medical advice, but here we are. I don't get that.

So much I don't get and my brain seizes up trying to make sense of that which cannot be made sense of. I wish I could accept it. Accept and move on, people are fueled by emotions and will trust something one of their friends read on the internet over what some egghead in Washington D.C. has to say. I sort of get that, but I also rail against it. I want data, research, studies, and that's what the eggheads in D.C. are looking at before the get on TV and say what they have to say.

I'm writing again, so that's something. I really hope it grows into something productive, something that helps me, and helps you, if you're reading this.